Thursday, May 20, 2004
I want my SUV

Land Rover have launched two new models in their ‘Land Rover Discovery’ range. We have the ‘Town’ version (with leather seats, coffee cup holders, CD interchanger, front and rear carpet mats, probably something for the kids in the back seat and 18 inch alloy wheels) and the ‘Country’ version (with waterproof seats, GPS, probably an inclinometer and various water filled gadgets that give the driver the pitch, yaw and roll of the vehicle and 16 inch alloys).

Ideal

Now we are all aware of the well-trodden arguments behind the absolute need for a ‘Town’ version. After all, an SUV is just a necessity for the modern day urban dweller.

For example, many primary schools and shopping malls are down some ridiculously impossible roads that require a 4WD just to get there. Once you do get there, SUVs are exactly the right size for those tight little parking spaces – as long as you take up two of them. Also, many urban and suburban roads are terribly bumpy and you certainly need the ground clearance to get in to some people’s driveways.

Besides, SUVs are perfect for urban living. They give an excellent view out the ‘cab’, they have plenty of room for the kids and/or golf clubs in the back, the bull bars on the front are great for ploughing your way through the crowds of kids that mill about around school gates and the power steering is just terrific for visiting vineyards at weekends - sometimes they are up some quite impossibly twisting mountain roads.

You also need the raw power that a 4.8L SUV engine can give you when you are stuck in traffic and where the speed limit is 60km/h - when going out to get the shopping, you need a big engine to get you, the groceries and 2½ tons of metal to and from the mall.

But, why?

But I can’t understand the need for a ‘Country’ version of the Land Rover Discovery.

Surely, a nice 5-door hatchback Hyundai electric-hybrid is the best thing for living in the bush? These beasts comfortably seat 5, have a fair amount of space in the boot for the bales of hay, sheepdog and shopping, have power steering and air conditioning, they can do up to 55km per litre of petrol (perfect for those long distances), when in traffic they are virtually emission free as they rely on the electric motor and they don’t murder kids when they get hit at 40km/h.

The advertisers have it all wrong: Leave the SUVs for the middle class suburbanites; they need them. Country folk don’t – SUVs are simply an unsustainable, wasteful, selfish, dangerous, pointless and expensive status symbol to them.

I apologise to any readers offended by my references to these vehicles as 'SUV's; very American, I know. This is not any regression to americanisation on my behalf. They are referred to as SUVs in Australia and besides, I like the irony of the acronym: I mean, ‘SPORTS UTILITY VEHICLE’ – what ‘sport’ do these vehicles actually play, ‘utility’ makes it sound like some bashed up army truck and why refer to it as a ‘vehicle’? What’s wrong with ‘car’? Then they could call it an ‘SUC’.

(Australia has the third highest rate of SUV ownership in the world. It is also the most urbanised country in the world.)

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